Posts made by biscoguy
posted in Admiral Introductions read more

Attention citizens of the Imperium!

By the light of the astronomican I pray my message is carried to the farthest reaches of the galaxy. Many of you have heard rumors of a terrible scourge that is tearing across several parts of the galaxy devouring entire systems as it marches forth leaving desolation and dead heaps of rock in its wake where planets once stood. In desperate and foolhardy attempts to stop the invasion, millions of lives have been sacrificed upon the alter of the Holy God Emperors will and may his glory shine forever brighter because of their sacrifice... yet the beasts onslaught continue! Unholy alliances with xenos races from distant worlds have even been forged in the interest of all life in the galaxy... and yet these tyranids' hunger has not been satisfied.

What are we to do?!?

Well I'll tell you exactly what we are going to do. We are going to build the biggest, bestest, and tallest wall and system of subwalls and barriers fences the universe has ever seen. Encircling the yet still living sectors of the galaxy with grotesquely thick walls of non living biomass is our only hope to shield ourselves and thus save ourselves.

Sounds crazy right?

I know. But think about it... there is a good chance that the light of the astronomican is what signaled and drew these beasts here many millenia ago and perhaps blotting out its light may indeed save us.

Also as an added bonus, it will stop those pesky Eldrari and Tau xenos migrants from coming into the Imperium and taking away jobs from hard working Imperial citizens like yourselves!

Come on... say it with me. They took our jobs.

[waits for crowd to reply] THEY TOOK OUR JOBS!

[leads crowd chant and riffs on the positive feedback loop thus created] THEY TOOK OUR JOBS!

THEY TOOK OUR JOBS!

That's right! They took our jobs but now is our chance to make a stand and put an end to these invasions once and for all. We have a chance to make the imperium great again. Huh? That sounds pretty nice doesn't it? Make the Imperium Great Again.

Yea. I like the sound of that don't you?

Make the Imperium Great Again!

[pulls out red baseball cap with the letters 'MIGA' on the front and places it on his head]

LET'S MAKE THE IMPERIUM GREAT AGAIN!!!!

And you know what else?

[waits for crowd to ask as one] WHAT?

*We're gonna make the orks pay for the wall.

**That's right!

The orks are gonna pay for it!***

[wait for cheering to peak]

YEA! Now say it with me Citizens of the Imperium... Build!

[crowd] BUILD!

The!

[crowd] THE!

Wall!

[crowd] WALL!

Now put it all together!

[crowd] BUILD THE WALL!

BUILD THE WALL!

BUILD THE WALL!

[chanting continues - beer bottles are thrown and someone in the crowd fires a lasgun into the air in celebration- this led part of the now sizeable crowd nearest to the shot to stampede in a desperate act to get to safety and in the confusion a local Imperial Guard company commander was hit with a flying beer bottle and subsequently ordered his men to open fire on the crowd - inquisitors were then called in to put down the possible heretic uprising]

#MIGA

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